Friday, November 20, 2009

HOW WORDS CAN BUILD UP OR DESTROY YOUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

This blog was NOT written By Me, a friend on twitter sent me the link and it was so awesome I had to share the article:)
HOW WORDS CAN BUILD UP OR DESTROY YOUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
-By Tobin Crenshaw

It has been said that a tape recorder will teach you more about communication than reading half a dozen books. Some times we don’t say what we think we say, nor do we always sound like we think we sound. Hearing it live and in color can make a big difference. That is because communication can be easy, and it can be very complicated.

When I was taking a graduate course on speaking, we talked about several parts of speech that are extremely relevant to how we communicate to one another in our deepest relationships.

First, there is what you meant to say. You had an idea to convey to your partner, but sometimes mistranslation happens, both in our mind and in theirs.

This brings us to part two, which is what we actually said. Perhaps what we said and what we meant to say are very different based upon our tone of voice or body language, or the words we chose to use. Semantics are no small thing. For instance, calling your buddy “stupid” may elicit a laugh and a grin at work. Using that word with your spouse who may have a severe aversion to criticism can leave you in a tough spot or sleeping on the couch.

This leads us to the third part of communication, which is what your lover hears. Again, mistranslation occurs very often. I tell couples that I counsel that communicating with your lover by text messaging and email is a bad idea. Using sound bites when you are trying to communicate with your significant other is a slippery slope. People read something that gets filtered through their own inner voice which they hear as they read words. We often read into words something that isn’t there.

This take us to part four, which is what your lover thinks they heard you say. When it comes to interpretation, we can be hit or miss. Step five is what your lover then says that you said, and step six is where it becomes even more complicated because it comes full circle with your interpretation of what you think your lover said you said. Shew! If you are confused that is ok, just understand that communication has several dynamics.

With communication being so complicated, is it any wonder people often misinterpret intentions? In fact, one of the most damaging things you can do in a relationship is to believe you know someone else’s motives. This is a dangerous and damaging game to play.

So how do make something that can be so complicated work? The good news is that it is actually very simple, when you just keep a couple of things in mind. The first thing to remember is that we can listen five times as fast as we can speak. As Norman Wright relates, “If someone speaks at 120 words per minute and you can listen at 600 words per minute, what are you doing with the extra time?” For instance, when your lover is talking are you off on a bunny trail in your mind, or are you waiting for your chance to speak or wishing they were done talking so you could interject a thought? If so, you are not really listening, which is the key to good communication.

Listening means that when another person is talking you are not thinking about what you are going to say when your partner is silent. This is incredibly disrespectful and hurtful to your partner. Truly listening is being present in the moment, taking in everything they are saying. It takes focused effort that lets the other person know they are important to you. Listening is taking in what is being stated without making a judgment, i.e. you are not saying what you think they said but rather just receiving it.

In fact, once you posit motives you can drain the life and energy out of the relationship. Think about it, haven’t we all had times when we exaggerated another person’s words? They make an innocent comment and we respond, “Ohhh, I see, you think I’m stupid.” In fact, couples know well how to play this game on one another, using words as weapons such as, “You are just like your mother.” How much better to choose our words wisely, and fully listen by being present as our lover speaks.

So the next time you are having a conversation, notice what you are doing as the other person speaks. Actively pay attention to how easily your thoughts drift away, or how quick you are to take over the conversation as soon as the other person takes a breath.

Try this instead, look into their eyes when they are talking (unless you are driving!), give feedback beyond grunts such as, “I understand what you mean,” and don’t use that extra time in your mind to drift away but rather stay engaged in the moment. If you do this, you won’t have to worry about trying to figure what your partner said about what you said, you will be able to relax and just talk!

Tobin Crenshaw

Twominutesermon.com


Monday, November 16, 2009

Zen Archangelism COSW 08 Blessed Be All New Witches

The Chronicles Of Super Witch 08-> Blessed Be All New Witches
I have found that people new to the craft are easily intimidated and 'afraid' to voice their own beliefs and opinions for fear of rejection, mockery or just being made to feel stupid.

Personally, I love speaking with those who are new to the craft, I find them very refreshing. From my experience, they have just as much to teach as we seasoned Witches do, and I have never ever witnessed one witch bashing another for any reason.

I think the cutest thing they do is start their sentences with phrases like: "you're not gonna believe this, but..." to which I always answer "TRY ME!"

Or my other favorite: "Ok, this might sound a little crazy, but..." To which I reply "Crazy is just another fancy word for 'NOT CHRISTIAN!' As a Witch, I highly doubt that anything you're about to tell me is CRAZY!"

I know all of us Witches are open and honest with each other and it just makes me sad that younger and newer people in the craft are so afraid of harsh judgement and criticism.

So to anyone who feels inadequate because you don't know all there is to know, I just want to say neither does anyone else. Witchcraft is a constant cycle of learning and teaching. And No one knows everything save God/dess. So if nothing else, feel comforted that you are among like minded people who are proud to NOT be know it alls:)

We are Not a 'humble or meek' people as in the sense of Christianity, We are a RESOURCEFUL and Empowered people who WILL step up to the plate to help others in any way we can. The difference between us and Christians is that we know we are never POWERLESS to do what we will, especially when it is for the highest good of all concerned.

Blessings
-Archangel Tanahmera
All articles in this topic are my own and are © copyright Born Again Wiccan 2015. All rights reserved.

Zen Archangelism COSW 07 Love Spells And Why I Hate Them...

The Chronicles Of Super Witch 07-> Love Spells And Why I Hate Them...
Archangels' Warning:) Although I've posted several of them in my groups, I personally despise love spells, and I've listed my reasons below..

Most people who perform love spells do so with the intent of making someone else 'fall in love with them'. Not only is this unnatural in my opinion, but it's also morally wrong. There are also other cases in which a person genuinely has loving feelings toward someone else, and they have no idea if the other person feels the same about them so they cast love spells or truth spells to find out. The problem with doing this is that nothing ever goes according to plan. I think if you must cast any spell, cast a spell for the courage and articulation you will need to reveal your own feelings to the object of your affections. If the person feels the same, that's fantastic. If not, ask why, maybe, its just bad timing. Who knows, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends with this person. If a love spell seems like the only way to help you right now, it's only because you chose to feel that way.

My biggest issue with love spells is this: Few consider the RIGHTS (such as free will) and FEELINGS of the person they're about to hex. I used to feel completely insulted when others would ask me to do a love spell for them and so & so. I would refuse and then cite every risk I could think of in hopes of changing their minds. It seldom worked. So Here is some food for thought instead...

Questions You Should Ask Yourself First:)
Ask yourself the following questions (and be willing to answer them Honestly), Before attempting to do a love spell on anyone (yourself included). Keeping in mind that I'm not judging you, or trying to force my opinions on you. I AM, however, helping you to get in touch with your soul and be your own judge:)

* What if that person loves someone else?
* What if the person he/she does love is in fact his/her soulmate?
* How would you feel if someone stole your soulmate from you?
* What if it works and he/she is NOT the one for you after all?
* What if he/she becomes obsessed with you?
* How deserving of your love would you consider someone who did this to you?
* Do you really believe you can just undo it once it has been done?
* What if he/she commits suicide or murder because you decided you 'don't want them anymore'?
* Can you honestly live with something like that on your conscience, and why would you choose to do so?
* Did you realize 'Because I love him/her' is NOT an appropriate answer because this is clearly not an act of love?
* Has it occurred to you why a person who would do this is evidently undeserving of the partner they seek to possess?
* Do you realize people are not toys or possessions you can just play with & throw out/give away when you're bored?
* Are you willing to take responsibility for the thoughts, words and actions of this other person after you cast the spell?
* Do you realize that love spells are 'Caging Spells' and serve to strip people of free will so they become subject to your will?
* Do you really believe you have the right to do that to anyone, or that anyone else has the right to do that to you?
* Have you seriously considered the harm this will assuredly cause all involved?
* At which point did you decide you alone knew what was 'best' for another person?
* Have you ever thought to yourself 'This is crazy!' ? Did you realize you were probably right?
* Do you have enough money to pay for the years of therapy you and your subject will require, (probably for the rest of your lives), to undo the damage these so called love spells cause?
* Have you REALLY convinced yourself that you can HANDLE the Bad Karma you're bringing to yourself by following through with this?
* Do you realize that using magick to make Him/Her YOURS at any cost is selfish and a misuse of power that you will be severely punished by Karma for?
* Think of a person you despise. How PISSED would you be if THAT person pulled the same loser move on you?
*What are you going to do when this person figures out what you've done and turns on you? And believe me he/she Will end up being your worst and most dangerous enemy, its only a matter of time and you only have yourself to blame for it.

If you still want to do a love spell, scroll down.....
I strongly advise AGAINST ingesting any plant, flower/herb/incense ash without knowing the following:)
* exactly what the ingredients are
* whether or not the herbs and/or plants have been chemically treated,
* whether they are safe or toxic.

-Archangel Tanahmera
All articles in this topic are my own and are © copyright Born Again Wiccan 2015. All rights reserved.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

UPDATING BAW SITE

Ok I'll be revamping the Baw site today and throughout the week. I have a massive amount of work to do So I won't be here until it's all done. Blessings & love
-Arch

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